AP WIRE, 11:32 EST, January 1, 2011, Dr. Ricardo Cabeza
The controversial Montana statute legalizing zoophilia marriage goes into effect at midnight tonight in the State of Montana stirring outrage from Right Wing Zoophilia-o-phobes and Animal rights activists alike.
"It was only a matter of time after them homos got the right to take the holy sacred vows," declared Martha Jean Maglight, President of the Montana "Sex For Fun Should Be Illegal" movement "Wake up 'merica!!!!".
Animal rights activists are also very disturbed. "There doesn't seem to be enough protection built into the new law to protect the sheep and goats [the overwhelming majority of all partners in a human/animal marriage]. Can they inherit??? Are they citizens??? Do they have any rights under the 14th Amendment??? What is the age of consent for a donkey or a German Shepard??? Who protects them in the event of divorce??? These are all questions that the new law fails to adaquately address," stated Anita Massengale-Douche, spokesperson for the left wing "Who Speaks for the Dumb", a lobbying group fighting against animal sex abuse.
Sheriff Jose "Bubba" Nutley of Dust'nwind County said..."hell, the law just legalizes an old Montana custom that has been practiced out in the country for years...about time...I got meth labs to bust and bribes to collect...I got no time for chasin' after sheep lovers..."
Montana's Attorney General, Lula May Gadget said..."Now doubt about it, this is headed for the Supremes...I gotta go out and get me a new dress and ever'thing..."
Sheep ranchers and their mates are lining up at court houses all over Montana, just waiting for midnight. Some judges have vowed not to honor the statute..."Screw the law, it ain't fittin'" stated one rural Justice of the Peace who asked to remain anonymous.
Jeb "Jones" (not his real name) a long time zoophiliac, was excited..."It is about time," he shouted, "me and Polly Ester [a four year old Yorkshire ewe] have been in love since lamb spring, 2006."
Polly seemed to agree "BAAAAAAAA!," she bleated happily as she gambolled about the court house lawn in an off-white Vera Wang veil, "BAAAAAA...!"
